中英文/图：颜子淇
颜子淇 / 幸福学堂高二
首先，我并没有读完整本小说。但是我会继续阅读完这本小说，原因非常的简单：我实在是太喜欢这部小说了。
在阅读这部小说的过程中，这感觉同我阅读尼采的《敌基督者》时的感觉类似，但终究那不是本小说。我认为如果要以阅读时的感受进行比较的话，以英国女作家维多利亚希斯洛普的《岛》来进行比较应该更加的合理。《罪与罚》在描述一个贫困大学生的 故事，《岛》则是在描述二战时期的麻风岛的故事。两本小说给人的感觉都比较压抑，语言简洁，使整部小说有一种令人感到忧郁的宁静。但是我个人认为这两本小说的不同在于他们的深度。如果用歌曲来比喻的话，《岛》更像是一首钢琴作和弦的现代流行乐。编曲就是那个套路，什么时候高潮什么时候停顿，好听，但是内容还不够厚实。《罪与罚》则更像是马勒的交响曲，低沉的大提琴谱写出生与死的基调，再用小提琴、以及圆号等乐器在黑暗的基调中点缀出希望的光芒，但是过了不久又暗淡下去….我并不是在故作高雅，我很反感那样的东西。我只是道出我的心声。当我边听着音乐边看书的时候，我感觉手里的书和耳朵里的音符是相呼应的，是共通的。
回到书中，在第一卷第二章里，男主拉斯柯尼科夫进到酒馆里之后，马美拉多夫开始了引起我思考整整两天的独白。尤其是那一句：“他（上帝）要饶恕一切好人和坏人。”这句话让我开始了思考。如果好人和坏人都要被饶恕，那么为什么要做一个好人？我们考大学的意义是什么，我们宽容别人的意义是什么？为什么会有“道德”这样的词眼？我们所认为的道德难道真的是神所认为的道德吗？神有道德吗？过了不久，我在马可奥勒留给我了一些启发。马可奥勒留是斯多葛学派的代表之一，在《沉思录》中，马可奥勒留多次提到了一个人的内外神，他认为，外神（宙斯）把一部分神性（马可奥勒留认为是理性）注入到了人的身体里，我们即有了“内神”。我个人十分赞同这个观点，但我认为“内神”不完全是理性，还有“良知“。””这也就是为什么我们会有“道德”，当我们在街上看到一个人在殴打一个乞丐的时候，我们的内心会感到同情和愤怒，换言之，心里会一酸。包括大部分的人们在街上看到流浪狗的时候，会有“施舍”。我认为这也是内神的一部分，即良知，理性让我们看清楚了方向，良知给予了我们做事为人的标准，即为“道德”。
再把目光集中在第一卷第七章。当拉斯柯尼科夫准备去谋杀老太婆的这个事件，我自己在阅读这一段的时候感觉很舒服。这种舒服不像是在阅读《哈利波特》或者其他小说的舒服，而是因为作者的描写而感到有一种读的痛快的感受。先前我提到过，《岛》和《罪与罚》的区别，《罪与罚》中的文字会让读者能够更深入的思考，不管是对此小说的桥段感兴趣的读者，或是对此小说所想表达的思想感兴趣的读者。他们都能在阅读这本小说的时候找到一种归属感。
在谋杀老太婆的这一事件中，男主的内心戏是非常有亮点的地方，作者的描写并不是一条路走到黑。很多的作家在描写人物内心戏的时候会写的非常的单一，例如这个人物此刻是开心的，这个人物此刻是悲伤的……而在本书作者的描写中，男主心中人性的博弈被描写出来了。尽管他大胆地做出这个决定并且有了周密的计划，但是在他的内心中还是相当的纠结。人们经常会在第一天做出一个他们认为非常可靠而且可行性很强的决定，但是可能在第二天醒来之后又会改变主意。就我自己来说，我有时会答应我父亲明天去打球，但是当我第二天早上醒来之后，我又觉得自己的身体有千斤重，在此类的情况下我还坚持去打球的例子屈指可数。回到小说，我认为男主谋杀的动机有一些令我费解，因为男主在别的地方听到了路人的对话，其中一个路人提出了杀掉老太婆的想法，因为老太婆拥有很多的财富，他们认为老太婆没有一点社会责任感，她能够用她的财富使更多的人走上正道。并且认为以老太婆的命来换取更多人的美好生活是值得的。当我读到这里我的脑海中想到了“劫富济贫”。但是大多数这样的情况之下杀人也不是首选。然而这帮人的谈话就决定了老太婆最终的命运。生命是一样十分神奇的东西，当人们处于有权势或者底层的位置的时候，常常会自己决定很多的事情，独裁者为了巩固自己的政权经常会指定一些危害性命的条约，其中希特勒屠杀犹太人是个比较有代表性的例子。当一个人有了权势，加上身边人的吹捧，通常会埋没他们内心的“内神”，也就是“理智”。他们认为自己有权力决定其他人的命运和生死。当一个人，或是一个群体，如同小说中的人们一样，走投无路，他们会觉得为什么这些生活富足的人们不来帮助他们这个群体，也就导致了类似于小说中的此类案例的发生。我个人认为我们是没有任何权利去决定别人要如何度过他们的生命的。我认为这些都是上帝的决定，其他人之所以有钱一定有他们的过人之处，他们怎样处置他们的财富是他们自己的事，而且如果自己的生活不济，就应该用自己的双手去开拓，以这些没有社会责任感的人们作为警醒自己的例子，提醒自己如果有了财富应该如何处置。而且一定是有钱才能过上好日子吗？我认为如果一个人以挣大钱为目标，他会比其他以做自己感兴趣的项目为目标的人挣钱更慢，且在实现目标之后会陷入迷茫，因为他缺失了人生的目标。
《罪与罚》这本书带给我了很多东西，对我而言，它脱离了“书”本身，而变成了让我自我反思，思考生命意义的一个媒介。我认为这是这本书给我带来的最大的收获，我现在时常会盯着我的鼠标垫和墙上的海报思考它们存在的意义是什么以及我怎样实现我存在的价值。我认为这是阅读这本书给我带来的最大的收获。
Book review–Crime and punishment
Written by:Johnny Yan
Grade 11th
Ⅰ.Book information:
Title:Crime and punishment
Author:[Russian] Fyodor Dostoevsky
Personal impression:
First of all, I did not read the whole novel. But it is clear that I will finish this novel in the future because this novel became my favorite reading material currently.
In the course of reading this novel, this writing reminds me another book which has a huge impact on me — Antichrist by German writer Nitzsch. However, it is not a novel. In my point of view, this novel will be more reasonable to be compared with Island, which was written by British writer Heath Victoria. Crime and punishment had narrated a story of a poverty collage student, Island had narrated a story of the Isle of leprosy in the period of World War II. Two novels had formed an atmosphere of depression, terse language, and the whole book has a kind of melancholy tranquility. But in my point if view, the difference between those two works are the depth came through lines. Furthermore, it is more noticeable to metaphor them as different genres of music. Island presents it self as a pop music. Generally the same arrangement if people compare it with other pop songs, pleasant to listen to, but not deep enough to make readers meditate after they finish their reading process. In contrast, Crime and punishment turned into a symphony from Gustav Mahler: A deep distant voice of cellos composed the keynote of life and death, then, violins and horns embellishments a slice flickering hope in the darkness. I’m not pretend myself as an elegant person, me personally have a strong aversion to such people. I merely said my thoughts. When I was listening symphony as I was reading this book, I felt words on the paper and those music notes are echoed and common.
Back to the book, in the second chapter of first volume , when Rascoe Nikov went to that pub, Ma Melato begun a monologue which influence me to think deeply for two days, especially “ He(God) will forgive all the kind and evil.” This line brought me into moral question: if all of those kind and evil are able to be forgive, why should I be a ‘ individual who brings positive impact to others?’ What is the purpose to be tolerate? What essentially dose “moral” means? Is the morality of human really presented the moral of God? Is God moral?
Soon, I started searching for clues, I found a work which written by an emperor of ancient Rome Marco Aurelius this work is called Meditation. Marco was one of the representatives of the Stoics. In meditation, he mentioned repeatedly about a human’s internal and external gods. He thought the external God(Zeus), which could be understand as a force from outside, had left some of the divinity (Marco considered it as rationality.) into human body, then people are be able to have a “inner God”. I personally agree with this view, however, I also thought that the “inner God” is not entirely rationality. In my point of view, in addition to rationality, “conscience” is also a significant part of “inner God”. “conscience” is the basic of “morality”, this standpoint has been proposed by an ancient Chinese saint called Wang Yangming in 15th century. Morality is the reason why people will feel anger and compassion if they saw a person were attacking a homeless man. In my opinion, when “conscience” gave us a standard as a human being, and on the other hand,“rationality” gave us a guide of our directions(were are people heading to).
Let’s focus on first volume chapter 7. When Rascoe Nikov was going to murder the old woman–which she is the landlord of Rascoe Nikov–the paragraph of the writing technique that how dose Dostoevsky portray the inner moral struggle of him. It is a technique of observation and self-contemplation. When an author is writing a narrative novel approximate to Crime and punishment , few of people could be able to makes readers felt the same way how dose that character was feeling. Further more, most of people degenerated their sensitivity in modern society, it is very easy for people to forget things are actually significant in their life.,their imagination was worn down. Back to the book, when I was reading this paragraph, I felt a joyful, it is a joy of delighted by the fluency of this paragraph. Unlike the experience of Harry Potter’s reading experience, Crime and punishment is be able to provide me a immersion reading experience, just like a fish jumped into the ocean. More than this, I could not even remember that I was reading a novel.
Now I want to talk about the motivation of this murder. The reason why is when Rascoe Nikov was hearing a conversation of people with different identities, one of them mentioned the idea of murder this old lady, because her own lots of wealth(compare to them). They thought she has no social responsibility, because she could afford massive of young people to get a better education. There is an old Chinese saying : “Rob the rich and assist the poor”.
Then, this is a discuss of humanity. This conversation indirectly end the old woman’s life. Such a interest thing–humanity. When a human being owns those powers that most of people don’t have, or they had no power to decide their faith, in other words, people usually over thinking they were be in a certain condition: on the top(owns powers that most people don’t have),or in the bottom of the society(has no power). For example, the Jewish Massacre by Nazis. It is extremely dreadful when a person contained too much power. It makes them in a corner of self cognition. From another perspective, it is the same when a group of people who lives in the bottom society trying to fight for their right. It cause the case of murder in this novel, they considered them self as a group should be relief by the others.
Overall, the most precious thing that I’ve searched during the time I was reading this novel is to recognition the meaning of “Book” it self, “book” now becoming a medium for me to self-examination and meditation. After this winter vacation, I frequently put my self i the topic of “Who I am”, and what is my value to being a part of seven billion people in this world. To be able to observing my self , that is what I have learned from this book.
